WARNING: SYSTEM FAILURE
We’ve all seen the message. Whether it’s the annoying “check engine” light that comes on when you first start the car in the morning, or the infuriating little box that pops up on your computer screen when you’re trying to open that funny email attachment all your friends are talking about on Facebook. The underlying meaning is the same: something somewhere isn’t communicating properly with something else somewhere else and thus your system is about to breakdown. I don’t know about you, but my usual reaction (after the initial WTF!?!?!) is to simply ignore the flashing lights and sirens and hope the system figures itself out. Sometimes this works. Often times it doesn’t.
I was greeted with this message, in the figurative sense, several months ago when the whole Chic-Fil-A fiasco blew up in the press. After reading much discourse on the issue, both in mainstream and social media, I sat down and tried to make sense of both sides. I wrote a lengthy “treatise” that I was going to post on Facebook at the time but thought it better to sit on it a while and let it stew. It didn’t’ smell quite right to me. However, with the recent happenings in the Supreme Court over the last couple of weeks, there has been a resurfacing of some pretty hateful and ignorant speech on both sides of this issue. One post that I saw, which referred to Christians as having “shitty beliefs”, was particularly offensive to me.
As anyone reading this blog knows, I do consider myself to be a Christian man. I might even go so far as to say “born-again” after my dad’s passing a little over a year ago. I’ve gone to church since I can remember, but not until recently have I really tried to truly understand what is in the bible and what it says. I also am a man among the masses, which is to say that like just about everyone in the world today I have relationships with folks who are gay/lesbian, whether as family, friend, and/or co-worker. It’s pretty unavoidable in this day and age. This dynamic begs the question: How does a Christian man reconcile what the Bible says about marriage and homosexuality with his own desire to love others and treat everyone with respect? For me, it is definitely a Jekyll and Hyde type of coexistence within myself. I hope that you will find the remaining dialogue an open and honest assessment based on reason and what can be found in the Bible.
First, I do not presume to know exactly what God said (and subsequently the meaning of His words) to Moses and his people thousands of years ago. I do not presume to know exactly what Jesus said to His disciples. The only record we have is what is portrayed in the Bible. As such, we are left to trust that the record takers got it right and remembered and recorded that history accurately. Theologians and Bible-thumpers the world over like to say that the writers of the Books that make up the Bible must have been possessed by the Holy Spirit at the time of their writings, so we should be able to trust that what is written therein is exactly what God wanted to be written. If you believe in a God that had the power to make the world and all of its creatures, then it really isn’t that much of a stretch to believe that that same God would be able to take over someone’s conscious and tell them what to write or say. That would be a minor compared to actually creating the Universe.
Context of Marriage
To even begin to understand the issue, I needed to really think about marriage in a historical context. When you do that, as far back as documented history will take us, “marriage” has been between a man and a woman. It’s origins began as a societal contract between a man and a woman that would help people keep track of who’s kids are whose and who gets what when Caveman Bob didn’t return from his mammoth hunting expedition. I may be wrong here, but I can’t think of a single societal context anywhere in history where we see a same-sex couple being “married”. Tradition has always been man and woman as a married being.
In the biblical context, this would also seem to be true. According to the Concordance of my King James Bible the five words “marry”, “marriage”, “marries”, “married”, and “marrying” are used 29 times total in the entire 1317 pages of Scripture. Not once does it allude, ANYWHERE, to marriage being between anything but a man and a woman.
Many scholars quickly point to the creation of Eve in the Garden of Eden and Gen. 4:23 as the bedrock of the marriage definition (“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh”). My Bible even calls this God’s ordaining of marriage (although the term “marriage” is not used here in the verses). The important idea that I take away from the beginning of Genesis is that when God decided man (Adam) needed a companion, He gave him a woman (not another man) and ordered them “to be fruitful and multiply” (Gen. 1:28). This “intelligent design” is scientifically supported in the fact that two men, nor two women, can create offspring together. Man and Man or Woman and Woman simply isn’t a natural expectation.
As a Christian, I must ask: How did Jesus view marriage? Very little is actually said about his views on marriage throughout the New Testament. The most compelling evidence of Jesus’ opinion comes from Matthew 19:3-5. After being asked by the Pharisees “is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?”, Jesus answers: “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female… and for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?”. This is widely believed to be Jesus confirming and upholding God’s vision for marriage. Interestingly, we again find an absence of the word “marriage” or any variant of it in these verses.
So here we see God, and later Jesus, talking about a man and a woman coming together to form “one-flesh”. Hard-core adherents to the Bible will see this as a black and white definition of marriage. I have to admit, I’m hard pressed to disagree.
Beyond what the Bible has to say on this, I do believe that the best situation for raising children is with one mother and one father. I’m not suggesting that same-sex couples are incapable of raising children and doing so in a loving, nourishing environment. I’m just suggesting that having an active participant of one mother and one father is the better way to go. Having had the fortune of being reared by a loving mother and father, I can honestly say that there are things that both of them have brought to the table that I wouldn’t have gotten with just one. Fathers are able to impart certain things to a child that mothers can’t, and vice versa. There are a myriad of studies on both sides of this issue that can support and undermine both sides. I’ll just put my opinion out there and leave it at that.
The Bible and Homosexuality There were 29 mentions of “marriage” in the Bible. There are far fewer references to homosexuality and sodomy. A mere two. And both in the same verse. Unfortunately though, it is pretty clear where the Bible stands here. 1 Corinthians: 6-9 states: “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites”. Pretty clear, right? There are other allusions to homosexuality in the Bible. There is of course the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, where God rained down fire and brimstone on the two towns for their perversions and imperfections. The term “sodomy” supposedly comes from this story. Leviticus is probably the most well-known and often quoted Scripture pertaining to condemnation of homosexual behavior. Leviticus 18:22 states: “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman.” Then it goes even further by stating “It is an abomination.”
What I find interesting is that the Corinthian passage then continues in verse 10 and lumps all of these other types of people in with homosexuals (“nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the Kingdom of God”). This is a pretty large and rather inclusive group of people who are doomed to never make it to Heaven. I dare say all of mankind. The interesting thing about the Leviticus passage is the additional “it is an abomination”. Many folks latch on to this as an exclamation point to this particular sin that makes it more substantial than others. “God says it’s an abomination, so it must be doubly terrible!” According to Proverbs 11:1, a dishonest scale is also an abomination (scales were used to change money, among other things). Go figure.
There are some folks who might point to a couple of passages that may actually support homosexuality, albeit tacitly. One commonly quoted piece of Scripture is Mark 7:14-15, which says “And when He had called all the multitude to Him, He said to them ‘Hear Me everyone and understand: There is nothing that can enter a man from outside which can defile him; but the things which come out of him, those are the things that can defile a man.” Some people claim that this is saying that engaging in homosexual behavior is not sinful. Taken in context, I have a hard time with this. The chapter taken as a whole was in reference to a discussion between Jesus and the Pharisees regarding eating bread with unwashed hands. I can see how someone might want to make the connection to homosexual acts, though I can’t personally make it.
Another passage which alludes positively to homosexuality can be found in the same Matthew chapter cited above. In it, Jesus and his disciples are discussing divorce and the idea that going without a wife from the beginning may be a better option than marriage. Jesus responds “For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mothers womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by man, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heavens sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.” In context of the times, eunuchs would be translated as “emasculated men”. There are a couple of trains of thought on this term. Emasculated could be “castrated”, as in the “made eunuchs by man”. Emasculated could mean “celibate”, as “made themselves for the kingdom of heaven”. Emasculated could also mean “effeminate”, as in having feminine or homosexual qualities. This would appear to lend considerable credence to the argument that people are born in fact born gay.
So What About Same-Sex Marriage? So is there any wiggle room for same-sex “marriage”? If you accept the passages cited above as the word of God and Jesus’ view on marriage and homosexuality, I’d have to say no. I think any reasonable and rational person could reach that conclusion. If you decide to dig a little deeper into the Bible though, I believe you can find room for same-sex marriage.
“Whoa…. Wait! The Bible says same-sex marriage is okay???” Maybe. More on that in a second. I want to first preface this next part of the discussion with this “food for thought”. There are over 39,000 recognized denominations of Christianity. Christianity is based on the Bible. The Bible has dozens of translations in dozens more languages. I think it is safe to say that there are probably tens of thousands (maybe millions??) of interpretations of the dozens of Bible translations. Do the Quakers have it right and the rest of us are screwed? Or maybe the new age evangelicals have it right. Or the Lutherans. Or Catholics. You get the idea. We can all believe something. However, none of us who are still upright and breathing in this world can really, honestly know. We can say we know it with our heart, but we don’t truly know it with absolute certainty. That’s the beauty and mystery of Faith.
That said, this is how I read it.
The first passage which might be construed to mean that same-sex marriage is okay is found in the book of Hebrews. Chapter 13, verses 1-5 address love in the social realm. It states: “Let brotherly love continue. D o not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels. Remember the prisoners as if chained with them and those who are mistreated, since you yourselves are in the body also. Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Let your conduct be without covetousness, and be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you’”. Marriage. Honorable among all. Not among same races. Not among just man and woman. Among ALL. God will be the judge. Not us.
A second passage can be found in First Corinthians, Chapter 7, verse 39. All of chapter 7 basically talks of the principles of married life, principles for the unmarried and principles of remarriage. Verse 39 states: “A wife is bound by law as long as the husband lives; but if the husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.” She can remarry anyone she wants? Evidently.
I point out the above in hopes of illustrating how easy it is to go the Bible and find something that appears to contradict another seemingly rock solid basis of Christian beliefs. Anyone can pick and choose passages to support what they think are right or wrong.
So Where Do I Stand?
I think it’s fair to say that I predictably take a stance somewhere in the middle. I do truly believe that a marriage between a man and a woman is what God envisioned when He created male and female. What I have hard time with is that none of the uses of the term “marriage” or its variants in the Bible expressly prohibit marriage between people of the same sex. In fact, in my KJV Bible there is a section titled “The Laws of the Bible” which begins on page 1336. It breaks out all of the different laws that the Bible prescribes and tells you where to find them. Surprisingly, where the Bible takes great pains in Exodus, Leviticus, and Deuteronomy to lay out the original laws of God as explained to Moses, there isn’t one single place where it expressly says that marriage between two men or two women is prohibited. While it makes certain to forbid marriage with stepmothers, aliens (non Jews), sisters, aunts, grandchildren and daughters-in-law, it is conspicuously silent on man marrying another man (or woman marrying another woman).
I also believe that homosexuality is a sin. It is pretty clearly stated as such in the Bible. However, there are about a hundred other sins called out in the Good Book as well. Only one stands out as “unpardonable”, and that is non-belief. All others are just “sin”. Each one just as worthy of a stoning or sacrifice as the next. Have you ever wished anyone ill-will? Ever thought bad thoughts about someone? Ever thought of someone in a sexual way who was NOT your spouse? Ever had too much to drink? Yeah? Me too.
Hard-core traditionalist Christians will likely point out that because the Bible calls out homosexuality as an “abomination” that clearly God wouldn’t want two people of the same sex to be married. Allowing such, according to the logic, would promote unrighteous behavior and lead to the further demise of an already sinful world. Well, we’ve already established that homosexuality is on the same level as someone using a dishonest scale. Both, according to the Bible, are abominations. Further, we currently, in both the church and society, allow marriage between sinners. And we do it openly and without remorse.
Have any of you partaken in pre-marital sexual relations with your spouse? I know I did. And I know the church and minister knew about it because we talked about it in our pre-marital counseling. There was no discussion of how it cheapened the sanctity of the marriage institution. How many of you know of someone who committed adultery with a married person and then ended up marrying that person? I can think of a few. In most cases, a church is going to know about this. Yet, we turn a blind eye to these sins and still allow marriage to take place. There are no earthbound laws forbidding these occurrences even though it may have an adverse affect on the sanctity of marriage, or worse, promote unrighteous behavior and lead to a further demise of an already sinful world. Who are we, as a society, to say that one specific group of sinners is unworthy of expressing their love and devotion to one another through marriage? I just don’t see homosexuality as any worse of a sin than any heterosexually “abnormal” behavior that any number of us likely commits within marriage on a regular basis.
The Traditional Family Christian Bigot
I obviously believe in God. I believe that God has certain expectations for His people. Jesus says that first and foremost of those expectations is to love one another as God loves us. I also believe that God intended marriage to be between a man and a woman. Am I absolutely certain of it? No. But I do believe it. I believe that the man-woman marriage is the ideal and I support that ideal. (Does that make me a bigoted homophobe? I don’t know. Does being against polygamy make me a hater of women because I’m limiting the marriage opportunities of women? I don’t think so.) What I don’t support is any one person or group of people judging another group of people and denying them the rights that others are afforded based on their perceived sin. We are all sinners in this world and there is only one judge that ultimately matters. None of us living here on earth are that judge. If a couple finds a church which subscribes to the belief that God is okay with same-sex marriage, then by all means, get married. If two people of any sex decide they want to proclaim their love for one another before God and make a Godly promise to support one another, honor one another and cherish one another until death do them part, who am I to say that that is not only wrong but illegal? God will be the ultimate judge on the sinful nature of whatever goes on behind closed doors (just as he is on a heterosexual marriage). We really have no say on the issue. It is an issue between God and the married couple.
Open Discourse
Does being a supporter of traditional marriage make me a homophobic bigot? I hope not. I’d like to think that I can say with absolute honesty that don’t hate anyone. I hate some actions that individuals take. But I don’t think there’s anyone that I could hate.
Does being open to same-sex marriage make me a bad Christian? Again, I sure hope not. I think that the Bible is fairly ambiguous about the issue. Maybe because it wasn’t an issue in the days when it was written. Maybe because God doesn’t care whom marries whom as long as we’re all loving each other as Christ and God love us. That’s something I won’t know until I come face-to-face with my maker.
What I do know is that I sin every day. Every day. Some things I know full well what I’m doing. Other things I do and have no idea that God might consider them sins. The point is, I sin. Everyone sins. Homosexuals, heterosexuals, asexuals. Everyone.
What I also know and what I don’t have to hope for, is that Christ was sent to this earth by God as a sacrificial lamb for all of mankind’s sin. The adultery, the fornication, the sodomy, the dishonest scales and all the rest. And that anyone, yes anyone, who believes in Him is pardoned of their sins. Does that give us carte blanche everyday to go out and commit more sin because we know we have a backup plan? Absolutely not. The Christian is called to spread the love, the hope and the comfort of Jesus Christ. Part of this entails not only being as close to Jesus as possible in our actions, but also of confessing to God that we have sinned and that we need His help to live the righteous path He has intended for us. If I, as a heterosexual male, can acknowledge the existence of God and confess my sins to Him and profess my need for Him in my life and subsequently be allowed to marry, then why can’t we allow the same courtesy to same-sex couples who ascribe to the same beliefs in God and follow the same prescriptive path?
What would Jesus do? I’m not sure. But I could make a somewhat educated guess based on my interpretation of the Bible. What is very clear is that no matter what side of the debate you fall on, there is room to acknowledge rational reasoning on both sides. If we’d all just stop and listen to each other, I think we’d all reach an understanding. We don’t have to agree with each other. But we do need to respect each other. We certainly need to love each other. We can’t just pick up our toys and go home and forget about each other. If the civil discourse stops, then we’re definitely headed toward a system failure.
